People who are doubly affected very often experience rejection when they are looking for professional therapeutic help for the consequences of trauma. Psychotherapists like to refer them to specialised services such as ‘Kein Täter werden’. They refuse because they do not offer trauma therapy and their services are usually not suitable for double victims.
Hardly any psychotherapist feels competent enough or responsible - and since the demand for therapy places throughout Germany far exceeds the supply anyway, therapists can choose which clients they want to work with. As a rule, paedophiles are not among them, especially since the training of therapists does not prepare them for this topic.
On the contrary, many therapists even have the same prejudices in their heads as the majority of society, confusing paedophilia with acts of abuse - and simply don't want to have anything to do with it (¹). It is not uncommon for paedophiles to experience such open rejection when looking for a place in therapy that their psychological situation becomes even worse.
1 Jahnke, Turner, Koops, Marker 2016: Stigmatisation of people with a sexual interest in children among sex therapists in Russia. Studie von Sara Jahnke zur Stigmatisierung von Menschen mit sexuellen Interesse an Kindern unter Sexualtherapeuten.
So there are in fact no offers of help for people who have experienced sexual abuse and are paedophiles themselves. Therapeutic help is usually only possible if you are very lucky - or if you conceal your paedophilia. Therapy in particular depends on being able to open up.
Markus has written down his personal thoughts here.
As a child I experienced abuse and later, when I reached puberty, I discovered my sexual preference. Coming out is a difficult time for many paedophiles, accompanied by self-hatred and great fears. In addition to the abuse I experienced and the distressing memories of it, it was very difficult for me to realise that I found children arousing.
Wanting to distance myself from the perpetrators and at the same time learning to accept my own thoughts and feelings towards children was totally overwhelming for me at the time. I ended up suppressing my paedophilia and my past of abuse. Both didn't fit into my life and as a young man I just wanted to live. When I found SuH and GSA, my inner healing began. I got to know myself better and was able to look at my personality in a completely different way. Today I know that you have to accept your past as well as your sexual and romantic feelings and fantasies. Because what distinguishes me from the perpetrators who have done sexual violence to me is the fact that I have neither committed any abuse nor will I commit any in the future. My thoughts are free, just as free as my conscience.
Traumatisation and resilience:
Not everyone who experiences stressful and difficult events is traumatised as a result. The keyword is resilience: Resilience describes the ability to be able to return to the ‘normal’ state despite a very stressful and difficult situation and thus maintain normal functioning. Experts believe that everyone can strengthen their resilience.
If traumatisation has led to post-traumatic stress disorder, the following symptoms often occur:
Somatic symptoms such as palpitations, panic attacks and anxiety
Experiencing fragments of memories (flashbacks) of the stressful situation
-Withdrawal and depression
-Avoidance of anxiety-inducing situations In my case, I did not develop post-traumatic stress disorder. But even then, you can still have symptoms that restrict your everyday life. I suffered from flashbacks and anxiety for many years. I was also unable to drive near the places where the assaults took place. The consequences and severity of traumatisation are always individual.
The body's self-healing powers should also not be underestimated. In an acute psychological stress situation, the body also has a protective function in situations in which it cannot cope with the experience at that moment. The time factor also plays an important role and traumatisation does not necessarily have to lead to psychological limitations. It is possible to regain one's quality of life.
The consequences of traumatisation and the aforementioned lack of access to help may not offer much hope. However, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that traumatisation and trauma-related disorders do not have to last a lifetime. I have never undergone in-depth trauma therapy and just consciously dealing with my experiences and being able to talk about them with trusted people has helped me a lot.
Trauma therapy can also be helpful and pave the way for processing. But self-help can also be an important anchor. **GSA is also a place for doubly affected people.
I think it is very important to draw attention to this often particularly stressful and difficult topic here. I would like to say to those who are doubly affected:
Accept your feelings and deal with your past. Do one thing at a time and don't suppress your feelings. Talking helps with processing - as does writing. You are not alone and your past can encourage you to stand above those who have inflicted sexual violence on you. Don't put yourself under pressure and don't equate yourself with the perpetrator. Yes, you are a victim of sexual violence and yes, you are a paedophile. You can still lead a happy life, come to terms with your past and accept the present.
That's what I wish for you, because that's what I would have wished for back then.
©2023 Markus
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